“This too shall pass,” I thought as I tiredly drove down the winding road. “This is a moment in time. It will soon be over.”

Just one week prior, my mom had been diagnosed with cancer, with just months left to live. A few days later, my father started passing a kidney stone, and was numbed by painkillers until he could have his procedure. What ensued were numerous hospital visits, tests, and talks with social workers while I tried to set up services for them. In fact, we’d been to five hospitals in ten days, and I’d driven almost 1100 miles.

Today, I was driving the precious cargo of two ill parents to yet another medical procedure. I felt like my life was literally falling apart. What I didn’t know at the time was that things were also beautifully falling together. This is a story about finding meaning in the mess.

Fall Dress, From the Series Entropy | Jodi Rose Gonzales

***Entropy*** was a year-long healing exploration, during which I completed one self-portrait piece for each season. Funded by the Pensinsula Arts Association.

When Things Fall Apart

Those few weeks tied for the most difficult periods of my life. The other things-fall-apart moment was the end of my first marriage, which I documented in a sculpture series called Entropy. I created four dresses, one for each season, depicting my healing journey.

· Fall Dress referenced hope, as well as letting go.

· Winter Dress referenced resilience, and coming back to roots.

· Spring Dress referenced storms, and internal conflict.

· Summer Dress referenced the blossoming into life’s new chapter.

The year-long project gave me permission for slow adjustment and transformation. The use of materials, gathered in each season, allowed for deep reflection and metaphor. The creative process itself helped me mull my emotions over as I slowly healed.

The Yoga of the Moment

Now, however, time was not on my side. Blinking through bleary eyes as I drove down the road, I thought of one of my least favorite, most uncomfortable yoga poses (yoga asana informs improved tolerance to discomfort). This too shall pass, I thought. Just like you suffer through that pose in class. It’s uncomfortable now, but this moment makes you stronger and will soon be over. You will get answers. You will get sleep. Just breathe through this. The mindset approach really helped.

This was just before the brakes on the car went out. Thankfully, I was parking the car. My parents were safely inside the hospital.

Yes, things were falling apart. I called for help. We were two hours from home, but a family friend was driving through the area. He gladly volunteered to bring my parents home while I waited for the car to be serviced. In the mechanics shop, I combed through a community resource guide, setting up support and meetings with various community organizations.

When Things Fall Together

Here is what struck me at the mechanics shop: things were falling apart, but I noticed also that they were weirdly falling together. Family, friends, and community agencies were showing up out of the woodwork to help out. I was awed by people’s compassion. Compared to the city I was living in at the time, it was noticeable how kind, depthful and genuinely helpful people were here. It was….actually very beautiful. Things at the moment were horrible, especially for my mother, but the crisis offered a reminder that the world is Good.

Six Tips for Getting Through

Looking back on those hellacious few weeks, I offer the following advice for managing life when things get difficult:

Lean into your community. I define community broadly here—think of community as layers, or concentric circles. This could be your city or neighborhood, it could be your friend group, it could be an agency that serves the problem you’re dealing with.
Ask for help. Many times, being stoic gets you nowhere. Let people in.
Let yourself struggle. When you steel yourself against life’s challenges, you can actually make things more difficult. It can be helpful to admit to yourself that you feel like a trainwreck. Be humble.
Get movement. I walked about two hours a night, in wide circles around our property, and swam at the local beach. Why? Movement helps your body metabolize stress hormones; the bi-lateral stimulation (using both sides of your body) is also helpful in treating anxiety and stress.
Breathe through it. This can sound trite, but there is a lot of research on the benefits of breathing when your mind-body is in fight or flight. Practice breathing past the neck, into the heart and lungs, and then into the belly space….and then exhaling fully and completely. Pause at the beginning and ending of each breath. Repeat.
Make art about it. Whether it’s a mood doodle or an actual art prompt, art-based mindfulness is an excellent resource to support you in being with your emotions, and then going a layer deeper for coping and perspective.

Things Will Get Better

My parent’s crisis occurred five years ago; my mom has since passed. Fortunately, we were able to be with her. We moved across country within months of her diagnosis. The urgency informed agency—while previous attempts to move closer to my parents had failed, this time things came together. My husband found a job within days of our decision to move. I launched my dream business. Several community partnerships evolved from discussions that occurred during that period.

I tell you this because whatever crisis you may be going through—look for the glimmers. Look for the heart in people. Notice the small acts of kindness. Be gracious with yourself. You don’t necessarily need to find the meaning in things just yet—nor do you need to control how things fall. Keep your chin up, with the faith that things will get better. And, ask for help as needed.